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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

See, Your Life Isn't So Bad

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I believe I have come across a picture that is the epitome of monumental, suck, fail, and disappointment. It is one of the saddest photographs I've seen since this
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and this

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This picture which I will entitle "I Am Seriously Looking at a Picture of a Rapping Puerto Rican Midget Accompanied by Two Failed Fly Girls" is one devoid of any trace of human dignity. Even the orange hippie van is humiliated. And what enrages me about this little guy is that you know he knows he's in the wrong genre! Midgets are only employed by mediocre rap/metal acts:

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Someone should tell him all he has to do is run around the stage and yell without running into Kid Rock or tripping over his shoestrings on his tiny Dora The Explorer shoes that are on his fat baby midget feet. And, girls, it's time to pack away your J.Lo track suits, your old dance school pictures, and your memories into your box of shattered dreams, and face reality: IF YOU ARE DANCING BACK-UP FOR A FUCKING MIDGET, THIS WHOLE "DANCE CAREER" JUST AIN'T WORKING OUT!!!

You know their mothers saw these pictures and are now just shells of their former selves, and when they can bring themselves to look at their children, tears of disappointment flow down their cheeks and into their gallon of Rocky Road ice cream. God forbid these idiots have children themselves, and their kids see this picture. Nothing compares to the joy of watching your child's respect for you drain from their eyes only to be replaced by resentment and condescension. I hope your happy with yourselves.

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