Random Googles and Such

I'm drunk, and it's time for random googles. When I'm bored I like to google words and such and see what pictures come up in google images. I am a loser. Here we go!

1. "penis,penis,penis"



Oh wow, it's a slug penis. I've been thinking, and there are some animals that you just never think of as having genitals. A slug is one of them. Do jellyfish have penises? What about a sea cucumber? Or lizards or something? I don't know. I'll have to do some research.

2. "prince valiant haircut"



I loved "No Country for Old Men", but I think I would have loved it more if I could've paid more attention to it. Instead, I was fixated on Javier Bardem's amazing prince valiant 'do. It's so symmetrical, and the ends are perfectly curled under. I found it hard to believe a serial killer would take time out of his killing spree to get a blowout or meticulously groom his hair this way. And why that makes me laugh, I don't know. But I could be at a funeral, and if you said "prince valiant haircut" to me, I would laugh like a retard on nitrous and not even feel bad about it.

3. "sugar nuts"



Sugar Nuts is what my brother calls my precious little angel Sugar Bear. At first I was not amused. However, every part of Sugar Bear is sweet, so this nickname really is accurate. Oh, Sugar Nuts, I love your little puppy paws, and I love to kiss your puppy nose.

4. "slutty mcslutterson"



Why is St. Patrick coming up with this? Google images is going to hell. I'll save you a spot asshole.

5. "and such"



I love this picture because it remindes me off Will Ferrell's Jeffrey skit from SNL. Jeffrey was the gay fashion designer that had a cell phone about this size and rode around on a Round-A-Bout scooter and always running into stuff with it. One of his best ever, and I forgot how hilarious Horatio Sanz is:



6. "strawberry muffins FTW!"



I just made some delicious strawberry muffins. They are so good. But I don't know why this stupid Christmas card came up when I googled this phrase. If someone set me this Christmas card, I think I would dismember him, put the body parts in a box, wrap the box with a big ol' bow, affix the card to the box, put on my best Christmas sweater and Santa hat, roll around in some tinsel, go to his mother's house, drop-kick said present into the house when she answered the door, then leave. Point made.

7. "gary is a douche"



I think it's a requirement that all guys named Gary be douches. It's like a birth right or something.

8. "teh ghey"



The mere existence of this car astounds me. There is someone on this planet that made a conscious decision to 1. buy a hatchback, 2. paint the hubcaps yellow, 3. drive it to work with no shame, and 4. paint a sweet racing stripe down the side.

9. "faildozer"



Google images, you just redeemed yourself! This is the most accurate picture of the word "faildozer" I could ever dream of. Ike Barinholtz has it down:



10. "what the fuck is wrong with me?"



Purple socks. Right. Because that completely makes sense. I hate feet.

11. "kill me now"



I call this ensemble "i-have-a-concussion-from-the-last-game-and-now-i-only-wear-polo-shirt-dresses-and-slippers-while-I-drink-my-coffee-and-and-make-out-with-my-football-and-i'm-confused-about-my-sexuality chic. And is this the coach from The Waterboy?



In conclusion, Google is perfect for drunken fun. I <3 the Google.