My Favorite Third World Fag

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Bryan Boy

My New Obsession: Guidos!

I was blissfully unaware of the guido until I watched a "Growing Up Gotti" marathon while recovering from surgery and a tad hopped up on Vicodin. I remember thinking that, surely, these asshats aren't real. I was wrong. "Growing Up Gotti" is a reality show,and this clip pretty much sums up their embarrassing existance:



To quote Paddington, I've never wanted to bite someone's face as much as I've wanted to bite the fake-tanned cheeks of the guido. However, as much as I'm disgusted, I am completely fascinated. Living in Arkansas, I've never been exposed to such douchebaggery since guidos are indiginous to Long Island, Staten Island, New Jersey, and the surrounding areas. But just living in these areas does not make one a guido. "Guido" is mostly a state of mind and a lifestyle. A useless, retarded, shallow lifestyle.

So what is a guido? Many are Italian-Americans seemingly born into this, but some of these morons actually choose to look like this. Like this guy:



One can observe the guido in a strip mall tanning salon soaking up cancer rays until their skin has the same orange hue as Jessica Simpson or Lindsey Lohan,


...lovely...


meticulousy grooming their eyebrows,



making sure their hair spikes form a 90 degree angle with the head,
,

pretending to be in "The Sopranos",



and "floodin' da club" (jesus, I hate these douches)



in which the guido heads to the bar where he will order up a "sex on the beach" or a "long island iced tea" which he will use to wash down the tablet of ecstasy that he smuggled into the club. Once settled in, they will congregate in roving packs, a primitive ritual not unlike that of various species of primates. Then, the guido often removes his shirt to exhibit the rippling muscles and excessively tanned skin that the guidette finds irresistible. Guidos have also been known to smuggle bottles of baby oil into clubs and will apply it liberally to each other in the hopes of enhancing their muscularity.



Their love for hair gel,



tank tops,



sweat bands,



techno music, and shitty dancing




know no bounds. Where is Armagheddon when you need it?

The New Hotness

White boy 'fros. Hot or Not?

Will Ferrell


Sam from The Opie and Anthony Show


Steve C. from The Opie and Anthony Show


That Kid from Superbad


Jack Osborne


Sideshow Bob


This dude


Bob Ross


This atrocious mess. I can't stop looking at him. He's revolting yet I can't take my eyes off him. He is the definition of ugly with absolutely nothing going for him.


This douche


Ol' Cotton Ball Head


And my personal favorite...the king of the 'fro...Phil Spector


They're irresistible. Who gets your vote?

Sephora Spree!

I was sick last week and had to stay at home really bored, so I did a little online shopping at my favorite place in the world - Sephora! I wanted to try some new brands I've never used before (except for my DiorShow mascara which no other brand can touch). So, I decided to try Smashbox High Definition Healthy FX foundation, and I really like it. This foundation is often used on photoshoots, TV, movies, etc., and there's a wide range of shades making it easy to match your skin tone. Great staying power and goes on nicely.



I also got the Chanel Liquid Eyeshadow. You brush it on as a liquid and it dries to a powder. It's very shimmery. One of my new favorites (I got #60, it's a nice neutral brown).



Another new brand I tried is Laura Gellar. Since this winter is all about the green eyeshadow, I picked up the Sweet Pea duo, and it goes on beautifully. The lighter shade is shimmery, and the darker is a wearable green that's classy not clownish.



I'm not too impressed with the NARS powder. I like a little more coverage. Not really much to say about it except to not waste your money. The best powder by far is Bare Minerals. The quality is much better and so is the price.



However, NARS does make The Multiple which i LOVE. The Multiple is very versatile. You can use it as a blush/highlighter, a highlighter for the browbone, and I use my Maldives Multiple on my lips sometimes. There's a lot of shades to choose from and they last a long time, so it's worth the money.


The Multiple in "Maldives"

The Multiple in "Copacabana"


Benefit's Benetint is a lip/cheek stain that's been around since the '70s. It looks really red, but it actually goes on very sheer and is super easy to blend.



I like the NARS brand lipstick. I was looking for a nude shade and bought Belle du Jour. It's pretty and lasts a long time, but it's expensive. I actually like the Sephora brand lipstick better. It's goes on smoothly and tastes like strawberries. It lasts a long time too. And the price is much better than NARS.

"Belle du Jour"


One of my latest obsessions is body scrubs. I have tried all kinds - Bath & Body Works, DermaDoctor, Sephora, etc., but I like Body Delisse by Lancome the best. It smells great and my skin was still soft & smooth when I woke up this morning.



I also got the chance to sample Gwen Stefani's new scent "L", and I love it! This is one to add to the collection. It has a peachy floral smell with notes of Fresh Green Notes, Water Hyacinth, White Freesia, Fresh Pear, Violet Leaves, Jasmine Petals, Rose, Muget, Sweet Pea, Orange Blossom, Heliotrope Flower, Sensual Musk, Frangipani Blossom, Peach Skin.


I also love "Daisy" by Marc Jacobs. It's a very simple floral with notes of Strawberry, Violet Leaves, Ruby Red Grapefruit, Gardenia, Violet Petals, Jasmine Petals, Musk, Vanilla, White Woods.



I'll be posting more reviews soon!

I Am In Love With Perry Hilton