(function() { (function(){function c(a){this.t={};this.tick=function(a,c,b){var d=void 0!=b?b:(new Date).getTime();this.t[a]=[d,c];if(void 0==b)try{window.console.timeStamp("CSI/"+a)}catch(l){}};this.tick("start",null,a)}var a;if(window.performance)var e=(a=window.performance.timing)&&a.responseStart;var h=0=b&&(window.jstiming.srt=e-b)}if(a){var d=window.jstiming.load;0=b&&(d.tick("_wtsrt",void 0,b),d.tick("wtsrt_","_wtsrt", e),d.tick("tbsd_","wtsrt_"))}try{a=null,window.chrome&&window.chrome.csi&&(a=Math.floor(window.chrome.csi().pageT),d&&0=c&&window.jstiming.load.tick("aft")};var f=!1;function g(){f||(f=!0,window.jstiming.load.tick("firstScrollTime"))}window.addEventListener?window.addEventListener("scroll",g,!1):window.attachEvent("onscroll",g); })();

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Deseo by Jennifer Lopez

Photobucket

If you're famous these days, it's almost a requirement that you have your own perfume line. Sadly, almost all completely suck balls or are completely unoriginal. Hillary Duff's With Love smells like a hamster cage. Britney's Fantasy smells like a giant cupcake covered in burnt sugar. Ew. Paris Hilton's scents are all boring and generic. Gwen Stefani's L smells good, but it smells just like Estee Lauder's Exotic Pleasures. However, there are a handful of celebrity scents that actually stand out and are of good quality. Sarah Jessica Parker pulled it off with Lovely and Covet. J.Lo does an awesome job as well especially with Deseo.

Deseo is my newest addition to the perfume collection. I love this scent. It's a nice departure from the boring fruity-florals that have saturated the market latey. Deseo is a floral woody scent inspired by the smell and feel of the air during a midnight walk in Jennifer’s flower garden moments before a thunderstorm. The bottle is gorgeous and was designed to resemble a diamond in the rough. The top notes are watery bamboo leaves, garden yuzu, Sicilian bergamot, freesia. The middle notes include star jasmine, pink geranium flower, orange blossom, and French mimosa. The dry down is amazing with warm amber, oak moss, sensual musks, creamy sandalwood, atlas cedar wood, patchouli, and mineral accord. I kept smelling my wrist all day. Deseo is one I will definitely put in regular rotation.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

New Polishes

As you can see, I don't have enough nail polish,

Photobucket

so I went to check out the newest Essie and Zoya collections. I managed to narrow it down to eight new polishes for spring. They are gorgeous:

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Essie polishes top to bottom: It's A Cinch, Hard To Get, High Maintenance, & Turning Heads Red

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Zoya polishes top to bottom: Poppy, Jordana, Eva, Angella, & Amber

If you like these, go to beautyofasite.com to see the rest of these collections as well as lots of bath & body stuff and makeup.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Rent-A-WHAT THE FUCK?

Is this for real?

Rent-A-Dildo

I'm still not sure. The picture on the welcome page is obviously photoshopped:

Photobucket

I'm almost 100% sure this nice young couple was holding a remote control for a Best Buy or a Wal-Mart ad not a giant dildo for a company THAT RENTS SEX TOYS!!!! I have some questions not addressed in the FAQ section. Is the health department aware of your business venture? Are you embarrassed to tell your familly about your career choice? Would you please explain in detail your sterilization process? What extras do you get with the "Golden Dildo" plan? Exactly what happened that made you discontinue your anal sex toy plan? And finally, how do you sleep at night?

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Memorable Oscar Moments

I watched the Oscars last night with my interweb friends on PalTalk. It was a pretty good show, but nothing really spectacular or anything. I think my favorite moment was Gary Busey attacking Jennifer Garner on the red carpet. Just a 6'3" tornado of Gary Busey Chicklet teeth, floppy hair, and wonky eyes.

Photobucket

Fucking scary but funny:



I also enjoyed watching Hannah Montana, Colin Farrell, and John Travolta slip and almost bust their asses on stage.





And if I have to say something nice, I think Katherine Hiegel,

Photobucket

Penelope Cruz,

Photobucket

& George Clooney

Photobucket

looked gorgeous. There. Something nice. Here's the list of winners if you care:

2008 Oscar Winners

God I Love Stupid People

Because I enjoy judging and making fun of others, I really enjoy the mugshot section of The Smoking Gun. It is an excellent compilation of mugshots of the stupid and famous as well as a few bizarre ones. Here are my favorites:

Photobucket
Awwww. Who lost a bet? That tatoo should go over really well in prison. Remember to keep the guy in the half-shirt, cut offs, and grape jelly away from your butthole.

Photobucket
I don't even know what to say about this one with his creepy mustache and Prince Valliant/

Photobucket

Carnie Wilson circa 1990 haircut.

Photobucket

You fail at life.

Photobucket

How fucking cute is that? He's like a little criminal Pillsbury Dough Boy. I want to just poke his belly and watch him giggle.

Photobucket
Now this one hits close to home for me. I did a double take when I saw this one because he looks like my Uncle Ricky who lives in a camper on a hill in Meridian, Mississippi. He has a suped up mustang with an enragingly awful "Meet The Beast" vanity plate (I'm for real. It's on my MySpace), but he gets arrested like 10 times a year for not paying his child support. And he's almost 50. The dirty mullet, the crazy eyes, and the agape mouth that you just know is screaming profanity, racial epithets, and butchering the English language with words such as "you-uns" and "fixin' to" stopped me in my tracks. But I didn't see a beer bottle or a chewing tobacco in his mouth, so I knew it wasn't him.

There's even more of these angels here: The Smoking Gun.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I Just Remember Making Volcanoes

Remember the science fair? Yeah, well, me either, but i would if the science fairs we had ruled as much as these.

Photobucket
Looking at this picture, I assume Chunk did an experiment in which he grew plants using both soda and water. And I assume the retarded one on the left is the one grown with the Mountain Dew. Our chubby little man's experiment was completely unnecessary. This kid hasn't touched a water bottle ever because his mother grew him on soda for godssake. He should have just taken off his clothes and sat on the table in front of his posterboard to prove his hypothesis. Like people, plants raised on soda grow up to be total messes.

Photobucket
Future.Serial.Killer.

Photobucket
I'd give this creep first prize out of fear alone.

Photobucket
Is bigger always better? Hmmmmm. I wonder which one came up with this topic. Hmmmmm. And to answer the question, YES! Because I'm a size queen.

Photobucket
I am surprised these two would even know what global warming is. I wouldn't trust these assholes with safety scissors.

Photobucket
Future dominatrix or just a perv? We'll see.

Photobucket
I like this kid. I wonder what he's dropping. And is that fried chicken on that plate?

Photobucket
You know their parents gave them this idea. You can always tell meth-addicted trailer trash by their hair. ALWAYS.

Photobucket
10 bucks and a blowjob says she's Mormon. Oh, and by the way, there is no God.

Photobucket
Oooooh, this is my favorite. The little redneck on the left is the cutest thing ever. He looks like my friend Scott if Scott had a beer belly at 8 years old and a wicked awesome trucker hat:

Photobucket
Scott's awesome.

Photobucket
I think the one on the right had lucked out and got the control drink. Bobby Hill on the left got the Chlorox Cocktail.

Photobucket
I saved the best for last. I love the sweater. You can tell his grandmother made it with her sweet little old lady hands for her little pumpkin because he likes "the motorbikes". And his project is "The Code of the Meniscus". Wikipedia says a meniscus is a curve in the surface of a liquid and is produced in response to the surface of the container or another object. It can be either concave or convex.

Photobucket

I didn't realize there was a code to a meniscus. Is it that complicated? This kid is asking for an assbeating. Can you imagine what his life at school must be like? Just relentless bullying until he shoots up his chemistry class.

There's even more pictures of the most amazing science fair pictures ever here.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I Didn't Order This

I have a love/hate relationship with the website Consumerist. I have to say it's one of my favorite websites not because it's interesting and informative, but because the stories are so trivial and stupid. It means well, but really, the people who run it come off as cheap, smug assholes. And that's not because I've been banned from posting there (I told a lady who was bitching about paying taxes on toilet paper that I hope she dies in a hotel fire started by a four year old with a book of matches and TP. Consumerist did not appreciate that. But that's another story). It's because they suck. Still, I enjoy reading some of the articles because it makes me feel like less of a loser. Especially this one:

HAHAHAHAHA

This made me laugh so hard. I think my favorite part was the backhanded apology from the owner. He was sorry they saw it not that it was even put on the bill in the first place. He has balls! And I have a feeling we aren't getting the whole story. They probably WERE being fuckfaces to the waiter. Just a bunch of snotty cunts bitching about too many croutons in the salad and fawning over Buffy's new nose job. Ew. Maybe I'm just jealous because that is the coolest bill ever. I would keep that receipt and frame that fucker. I would keep it next to my wedding pictures and births of my children. It's a real gem.

Photobucket

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

More Awful Music

I love watching really bad movies and listening to horrendous music. It's so much more entertaining than the good, relevant music from someone with talent. And holy fuck did i come across the holy grail of shit music. It's even more amazing than Jan Terri, and it's enragingly awful. And you'll never guess who it is.

Photobucket

It's Heidi the from The Motherfucking Hills. Apparently, someone told her she could sing, so she made this giant turd of a video:

Dumb Whore Singing

This garbage was shot by her fiance Spencer

Photobucket

and features Heidi's new tits a well as her overprocessed voice and expertise in rolling around in sand. And it has the production quality of a Billy Squire video only worse:



These people need to be stopped.

This is getting out of hand.

If you know me, you know I'm attracted to shiny things like a fucking retard. So I was so happy when I finally got to take out the ugly stud and put my cute little diamond in! I love it.

Photobucket

And I decided that my face/head area didn't sparkle enough, so I got an extension in my hair with crystals on it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Photobucket

It's like getting tatts. Addicting. Only tatoos are cool, but I've made a conscious decision to turn myself a disco ball. Ooooh, I want Madonna eyelashes with Swarovski crystals next.

Photobucket

Possibly a diamond grill?

Photobucket

Someone should put rhinestones between their fingers and make a fist and punch me straight in the forehead in order to permanently embed said rhinestones in the middle of my face to teach me a lesson. I am a shallow idiot. Why am I here?

The Latest Addition

I'm so excited! I got a new Coach bag! It was an early birthday present, and it's gorgeous and big enough to carry all my shit. I'm in love. Jealous bitches?

Photobucket

Saturday, February 9, 2008

So I Went Furniture Shopping...

Well, it looks like I'm almost done shopping for furniture & decor for my new place. It's been so much fun, and I'm going to show you what I bought. When I get the apartment set up, I'll also post pictures of everything.
Photobucket
Here's my new sofa & chair from Haverty's. I decided to get a dark leather one. Normally, this would be a little too masculine for my taste, but my kitchen is right off the living room and has black granite countertops and stainless steel/black appliances. I usually get white or off-white furniture, but I just don't think it will look good. But anyway, the couch is awesome! It's soft leather, and it looks kind of aged which I love. It's also really deep and the cushions are so soft. I need a couch I can fall asleep on & this is perfect.

I also got one of those really big & wide chairs that two people could fit in. It's perfect for snuggling with your man or your abduction victims. Awww.
Photobucket
And don't think for a second I got those pillows in the pictures! They're fucking ugly, and they remind me of giant brownies which I really don't need to be thinking about.

I also went to Target and found some really cute things on clearance. I found this canvas painting of red, orange, & yellow poppies which are the colors I'm doing in the living room and kitchen:

Photobucket

I also got these candle holders and urns for decoration in the living room. I haven't decided what I'm going to put in the urns yet.

Photobucket

Photobucket

I can't stand bright, overhead lighting, so I need lots of lamps. I bought this torchiere lamp on sale from Target and these milk glass lamps in green, yellow, & orange from Pottery Barn:

Photobucket

Photobucket

And here's my new dining room set:

Photobucket

I just bought the table & chairs because the dining room is kind of small. I liked the dark wood and the white cushions because it will go with my adorable chandelier from Lamps Plus. I think a dark purple on the walls would look really good in this room.
Photobucket

It also has a small bar area for which I got some bar accessories from Pottery Barn's
Claro Collection. They are nothing fancy, but they are still gorgeous. I love them.

Photobucket

I have a second bedroom now that I couldn't decide to turn into a guest bedroom or an office until I found this beautiful bedroom set.

Photobucket

I'm going to put my old bedroom furniture in the guest bedroom. Now y'all can come visit, and we can have sleepovers and braid each other's hair while watching Mean Girls and She's All That and talk about how fuckable Freddie Prinze Jr. is then have drunken pillow fights. Yay! But anyway, I'm going to do my room in green. Here's my new bed set from Pottery Barn:

Photobucket
Photobucket

And I found this lamp on clearance at Target. It's perfect for my bedroom:
Photobucket

Finally, my kitchen! I think this is going to be my favorite room. It's a nice size with black granite table tops, oak cabinets, and black and stainless steel applicances. I've decided to use orange as my main color. It will be really pretty and go perfectly with the living room decor. I bought these plates to mix & match from P.B.:

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

And I got these beautiful drinking glasses.

Photobucket

So all I've got left to do is get bathroom decor, get a coffee table, and a small entertainment center to put my TV on in the living room. I'm still waiting on my tables for the balcony to come in, and I'll post pictures when I get those pieces and when I finish shopping for the other stuff. And please give me any suggestions or ideas you have. I'd love to hear them. <3 Y'all!