I Think I Get It Now

The bigger the hair, the smaller you look. I need one of these wigs.

Like, Thinking Is Hard and Stuff

Well, apparently the Miss Teen USA Pageant was last night. Here is Miss South Carolina trying to explain why 20% of Americans can't find the United States on a map. Of course, I was fully expecting her to make an intelligent social commentary on the failing educational system and breakdown of the family in our country, but I was completely surprised to hear her response.



Seriously, what the fuck? I've watched this about 5 times, and I still don't know what's going on. Some people don't have maps? Really? That's the best you could do?

Someone needs to tie her to a tree, give a group of 4-year olds baseball bats, and tell them her head is filled with candy...and you know it is.

CB I Hate Perfume

I got a few samples of fragrances by CB I Hate Perfume from The Perfumed Court. I noticed a lot of buzz about this perfume house on makeupalley.com, and before I bought a large bottle, I wanted to sample it & see how it smelled on me. The perfumer is Christopher Brosius (CB) who hates your average, boring perfume that everyone knows about. He likes to create unique, simple scents. I got samples for Tea Rose and Gathering Apples.



They smell so wonderful, and they smell just like their names suggest. And both dry down to soft scents. Most of the prices aren't too bad, and you can be sure you know what you're going to get because the names match the fragrance. I definitely plan on getting larger bottles of these.

Carnal Flower by Frederic Malle

I ordered a sample of Carnal Flower from The Perfume Court because I had to smell it for myself after hearing such awesome reviews of it. And like everyone else, I love this fragrance. The tuberose note really dominates, but it also has notes of bergamot, melon, eucalyptus, ylang ylang, jasmine, orange blossom, coconut, & white musk. I also detect a hint of the Beach fragrance by Bobbi Brown.



If you don't like tuberose, then you won't like this fragrance, but I adore tuberose. I bought Fracas last year which is THE tuberose perfume, but I actually like Carnal Flower much better. It is much softer than Fracas and doesn't have that slight old lady's perfume scent.



I just can't stop smelling my wrist!

L by Gwen Stefani

I'm really curious to try L by Gwen Stefani. It's on sale at Nordstrom's and is described as her debut fragrance—Gwen Stefani's iconic style goes beyond music, beyond fashion and beyond boundaries. Her signature fragrance is a fusion of masculine and feminine with a luscious floral scent that bursts with sparkling freshness and then wraps you in the warmth of sensual musks.

I'm not really a musk girl, so I wouldn't buy this one without trying it first. Has anyone smelled this yet?

Dry Shampoo Results

Well, since I haven't washed my hair for a few days because of the surgery, I have been using Rene Furterer's Naturia dry shampoo. I have greasy hair after one day, and this stuff works pretty well for me.

All I did was spray and comb and some kind of powder absorbs the oil. I gives me more volume too.

This is great stuff for hospital patients, campers, people who work crazy hours or double shifts and don't have time to shower, or lazy asses who just don't want to shower.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Well, I got my surgery done & now I'm back home. I'm a little sore still, but otherwise feeling good. All I've been eating is tomato soup and jell-o, but I'm not really hungry, so maybe this thing will actually work! I guess we'll see. I was going to post a picture of me on vicodin, but I look so horrible with no make-up that I can't bring myself to post it.

Although, this was an outpatient procedure, Dr. Wellborn kept me in the hospital overnight because I have undiagnosed sleep apnea and my breathing was kinda funny during surgery. He said this will disappear as the weight comes off, so that's good. Anyway, I went back to Robin's house Saturday to recoup & now I'm back home & feeling pretty good. I'm hoping to get back to work either late this week or next Monday.

I've decided to keep track of my progress on the blog, so I'll be posting pictures of myself as the weight comes off to keep y'all posted on my weight loss. I hope this works, and I'm really looking forward to share it with y'all.

Love,
JenJen

Thank You Bons!

I just wanted to thank Bonnie for the awesome new look for the blog. You are a genius and I love it. Thank you!

I Gots An iPhone!

I finally got rid of my piece of shit Palm Treo & gots me an iPhone. I LOVE it.



I can actually figure out how to change my ringtone and how to make a damn phone call without taking my battery out and having to restart the phone. The camera is great too.

I think Twinkie wants his own iPhone to check his doggie e-mail and text his dealer.


Sugar Bear is too cool for this crap as usual. He needs his beauty sleep (I swear he's not dead, he's just napping) and his dealer brings HIM the stuff.


Anyway, it's the greatest phone ever and it's fun to play around with and easy to figure out. Jealous?

Oooooh Shiny!

I'm attracted like a retard to shiny things, so of course, I want this gold metallic bag from Lane Bryant (it's only $32.50!). It's very Prada-ish & I have the perfect shoes to match.

Cuteness

I want two otters that hold hands and love each other! Awwww, that's adorable. They're almost as cute as Rich from fourfour's kitty Winston:

I'm Trying to Fight the Urge...

Ooooh, I went to Beautysak today and looked at the new nail polished by OPI and Essie. I have to have these soon:

Russian Navy


Siberian Nights


Los Cabos Coral


California Coral


Click It or Ticket


Buy Me A Cameo


Beautiful huh? I just realized I picked a lot of coral colors. I've nevery wore coral befoe, but these colors just jumped out at me.

I Heart Zach Galifianakis

This made me giggle.

Description (from myspacetv.com): Sometime in June Zach sent me a one line email that said "This is going to sound like a joke, but Kanye West wants us to do a video for him." For all the ridiculousness you see here, I have to say we took the song very seriously. We asked ourselves, "What if two farmers from North Carolina set out to make their own Kanye West video...and succeeded?" Special thanks to WIll Oldham for his inspired turn as the comic relief in a comedy video, and to Inman Young the most capable producer on the planet.

Can't Tell Me Nothing (Zach Galifianakis version)

Add to My Profile | More Videos

If you haven't seen the "Comedians of Comedy" yet, rent it now. Hilarious shit:


And he's the dude in the Fiona Apple video. Love him.

Links Are Up!

I've added some links to some of my favorite sites. They are a mix of news, beauty, entertainment, and just weird stuff.

Jen

Dry Shampoo

Well, I'm getting my surgery done this Friday and for a week afterwards I'm only allowed sponge baths. I refuse go a week without washing my hair! I remember reading on beauty addict or blogdorfgoodman about dry shampoo you can use without water. All you do is spray it on & let it sit for a few minutes then brush it out. I'm gonna test this out and see if this helps with my greasy hair. I'll let ya know.

Presents for My Girls

Hey y'all! I put on one of my favorite perfumes this morning called Carnival Crush by Stacked Style. It smells like peaches and plums. Love it.

I decided to go to stackedstyle.com and check out the new scents and I came across their "scentarettes". There are 4 vials of the perfume for each scent, and if you e-mail me your address, I will send you a scentarette for each whenever I get them. Here are the scentarettes I ordered:

This is Enchantress and it's described as a "sugary infusion of ripe fruits blended with lush blooms, hints of pink pepper, musk, & vanilla..."

Here's Empress Lily and it is a blend of lychee, Japanese water lilies, Asian pear, amber, & musk.

This is Fuji Flower and which is a blend of Fuji apples, Japanese peach blossoms, soft woods, & sheer musk.


I got Baroque Bleu for me in the full size bottle. It has notes of gardenia, tuberose, sweet coconut, & rhubarb.

All of these are available in full size bottles at $45 each at stackedstyle.com if you decide you like the scent. Let me know which scentarettes you want & I'll mail them to you as soon as I get them.

You Are Cordially Invited to the Most Skanktastic Wedding Ever!

Here's Catrina from England. Like every bride-to-be, she's been planning her dream wedding, you know, getting her dress, flowers, location, etc. to create a beautiful, classy wedding everyone will remember, right?

No.

This wedding rendered me speechless, and I had to watch it two more times to make sure it was real. I'm still having a hard time figuring out what's worse:
1. her orange tan
2. the most impractical dress ever
3. the 4 year old coke whores in the limo
4. her immasculated fiance's pink bow tie
5. or the fact they held this fiasco in A CHURCH. Can you imagine this conversation with the wedding planner? "OK you got your dresses for the 4year old limo strippers and your groomsmen dressed like Perez Hilton, so where do you want this swanky shindig to take place?" "My church."

Just as the priest is thinking, I can only hope the Apocalypse comes before these two fucktards procreate. Enjoy bitches!

9 Days To Go

My Lap-Band surgery is next Friday, August 17th. I am so excited & a little nervous at the same time. Here is what happens with the lapband surgery from my surgeon, Dr. Wellborn's website www.arkansasobesitysurgery.com:

The laparoscopic band or LAP-BAND® System is a minimally-invasive, safe, adjustable, and reversible surgical weight loss (bariatric) tool. Placed around the upper part of the stomach, the LAP-BAND® System acts as a belt, slowing the passage of food through the digestive system. This slowing in the digestive process allows an individual to feel full sooner, aiding weight loss by both restricting the quantity of food digested at one time, and creating mental stimulants that tell the body when to stop eating. And here's a video showing an animation of the procedure (it's not gross so it's safe to watch):



Here's some before and after pics of people in Arkansas who have had the surgery. The after pictures were taken 1 year after the before pics:

This is Tanisha before and after


This is Karmen before and after


This is twins Andrea and Alisa before and after


Here's Kaitlan before and after


And this is Michelle. She looks like a totally different person:


I hope my surgery works as well as these. Wish me luck!

Penis Montage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my favorite video on YouTube today. It's the penis montage from the movie "Superbad". You have to watch this:


Every time I write the word "montage" I think of South Park's montage song:



Oh my God. I found Cartman songs too. This is really funny when you're on Vicodin:

Angry Nintendo Nerd

Remember Nintendo? Me & Justin used to play Super Mario Brothers for hours and we would get so pissed off at the game when we died or lost or whatever and we'd flip off the TV or throw the controller or punch the console. Yeah, it was never our lack of skill that made us lose but the inanimate object called our Nintendo game that fucked up. I was listening to Opie and Anthony this morning and they were talking about this Angry Nintendo Nerd guy who plays and reviews games for the original Nintendo system. And he HATES every game and it's so funny to listen to him bitch.

Here's his review of the Back to the Future game:



The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game review is hilarious too. The comment about April O'Neil's banana coat made me piss myself:



I love this dude.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

I got this book from my brother for Christmas last year, and it is truly a unique and interesting novel - especially for those that love fragrance and are interested in perfume making. It centers around the life of an orphan named Jean-Baptiste Grenouille in 17th century Paris who is born with an unusually heightened sense of smell. He becomes an apprentice to a perfumer whom he wants to learn the art of perfume making and how to distill scent out of everything - not only flowers but weird shit like a horseshoe, his boss's cat, and, yes, women. Yeah, a real genius.

Anywho, his extracurricular activities are murdering people to try to capture their scent and bottle it. It's a really interesting read, but if you don't like reading, the DVD is now out. I watched it last week and loved it (Dustin Hoffman plays the perfumer to whom Grenouille is apprenticed).

Navy Blue Eyeliner

I was reading Allure or In Style magazine and saw a picture of Jennifer Aniston with the most beautiful eye makeup. It was sort of a smoky eye with navy eyeliner, and I was totally inspired. I tried to find a pic, but couldn't. I ordered some Bare Escentuals eyeliner in Midnight Sky from Sephora, and I'll post a picture of me wearing it. Here is the color:



I can't wait to try it!

My Next Project

Now that I've got the inside of the house almost done, I want to start on the exterior. Right now it's pretty bad. I'm going to have to hire a landscaper I think. It's so boring and green that I want to lighten it up a bit. Here's my new wreath from nauticalluxuries.com that I'm hanging on the front door:

I'm planning on getting some pink or purple hanging baskets oveflowing with flowers and I want to plant another crepe murtle in the yard outside the dining room window. I also need to plant flowers around the mailbox, but I'm not sure what I want yet. I was looking around marthastewart.com to get ideas and here's what I found:
Maybe something like this for the mailbox. I would probably change the flower color to pink,purple,blue & white or something

I want an arch!

I love these begonias.

and I like the trees in this yard

Here's a few other flowers I considering. I don't know the names except for the daffodil, but they are gorgeous!





What do you like in your garden? Have any suggestions for beautiful flowers that grow well in this area?

Illuminations

I recently discovered illuminations.com and ordered some candles and sconces. These candles smell wonderful and the scents are very unique and original. My favorites are Pinapple Cilantro, Tea & Honey, Spiced Citrus, Napa Valley Harvest, & Bordeaux.

The jars are beautiful too. I also bought some votive sconces for the wall in my bedroom.


I have my eye on some other things too. These are nautilus and starfish votive holders

And I want these onyx candle holders for my bathroom around my tub


Here are some pictures of things I love, love, love, but they don't really go in my house. Maybe you would like them for yours!

Wall Sconces:





Here's a beautiful chandelier


And some beautiful centerpieces for the table:



They also carry seasonal stuff, so they now have new fall decorations and scents. Beautiful stuff here!